Highs and Lows

The space between the extremes

Life often feels like an emotional rollercoaster. One day, we’re celebrating a win, feeling unstoppable. The next, a minor setback makes us feel like we’ve failed. We chase highs that don’t last and let small disappointments drag us down.

One of the keys to living a good enough life is about recognizing our emotional thresholds.

The diagram above highlights a simple yet powerful idea:

• If you raise your bar for feeling low, everyday frustrations won’t pull you down so easily.

• If you lower your bar for feeling high, you’ll find joy and fulfillment in more ordinary moments.

The result? You spend most of your time in a stable, good enough life.

Psychologists refer to this as emotional set points—your baseline level of happiness or distress. Research suggests that although extreme positive or negative events temporarily change these levels (e.g., an accident or winning the lottery), humans naturally return to these baseline levels.

Raise Your Bar for Feeling Low

If you get frustrated by every minor inconvenience—traffic, an annoying email, a slow internet connection—you’ve set your low threshold too low.

How to fix it?

• Practice perspective-taking—will this matter in a week? A month?

• Use cognitive reframing—is this really a problem, or just a discomfort?

• Build mental resilience—acknowledge discomfort without overreacting.

The goal isn’t to ignore problems but to ensure only truly significant issues impact your emotional state.

Lower Your Bar for Feeling High

Many of us reserve happiness for big achievements—a promotion, a new house, a major milestone. The problem? Those moments are rare. If your bar for joy is set too high, you’ll spend most of your time feeling like life isn’t enough.

How to fix it?

• Celebrate small wins—finishing a task, a good cup of coffee, a kind word.

• Enjoy gratitude — Be thankful daily for what you have - no matter how trivial they may seem.

• Find joy in everyday things — Enjoy things that are around you for free - sitting on your sofa and watching the trees outside, a walk in the park. A TikTok video that brought smile to your face.

Lowering the threshold for joy doesn’t mean lowering standards. It means allowing yourself to experience happiness more frequently in everyday things.

By adjusting both bars, you create an zone where:
→ You aren’t crushed by minor setbacks.
→ You don’t need huge accomplishments to feel good.
→ You live with steady, sustainable well-being.

Where Are Your Bars Set?

If life feels like a constant emotional rollercoaster, take a moment to reflect:
👉 Is your low threshold too easy to trigger?
👉 Is your high threshold keeping you from feeling fulfilled?

By making small shifts, you can spend most of your time in a balanced, content, and fulfilling life.